Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
handjob tips. give me some.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
