You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
