In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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