I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
