we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
