dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
