Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
