I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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