drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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