Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize