My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
