I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize