I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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