get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
