i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
