I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
