HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
