i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
