I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
