is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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