i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
