i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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