Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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