It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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