kristin has been a bad kristin
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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