I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
