put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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