Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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