Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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