You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
