Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
