I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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