I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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