Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need to calm my uterus...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
