Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
