He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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