Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
