capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
