I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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