I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
