dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
