Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
