You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We need to get me chipped asap
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
