he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize