you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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