I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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