This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize