508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
