Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
