why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
