Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Randomize
