That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
