I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
