I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
