took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
