I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
