I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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