I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
