last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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