Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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