Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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