dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
