the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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