I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
