How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
